Thursday, August 23, 2007

The Occupational Woes of a Twenty-First Century Pirate

Arr. No exclamation point. Just arr. I have to you my inside voice. This is one of the many woes that face a pirate in this new millenium.

Sailing is a sport now. No longer a means of transportation. And the boats haven't got gunports. They're so "scientific" and "balanced" that they'd keel over if you get a decient amount of cannon aboard. Not that it matters, since there aren't many cannon to be had, except in museums. Admittedly, stealing them, then putting them on a boat, which I would probably also have to steal, would be a pretty Pirate thing to do. But then I'd have to deal with the Coast Guard. Getting out past them might not be a problem, out into open ocean. Sacking a port like Manhattan is potentially problematic. I couldn't even get close enough to their boats to start shooting. Even being my own loony self, I see the impossibility.

Piracy still exists, though. You don't need a boat for it. Which would certainly be a comforting thought, if it weren't. You see, the most successful Pirate that I know, firstly doesn't dress the part, and more chiefly spends every spare minute on the internet, where he conducts his piracy.

I have the outfit. But so far, modern society has thwarted my efforts at otherwise becoming a Pirate.

3 comments:

Ali said...

This is troublesome news. I suppose the problem is that piracy today is not what it used to be. You seem to have two options: look the part, or engage in modern day piracy. For my two cents, I vote for the costume.

As far as cannons go, don't despair, it can be done. One of my old social studies teachers made a full sized cannon from scratch with a couple of his buddies and some help from the local foundry. Or, my dad made a miniature one with some scrap metal and a lathe. Both were/are functional.

As long as you're willing to make it yourself, there are still many canon-related possibilities.

Jenny said...

Ali, don't encourage him.

Out of curiousness--is this a response to a prompt prompted by one of our fellow pirates?

Whittaker Luckless said...

Have we got any fellow pirates?