Goggle Weather

Do you ever find yourself saying, "At times like these I really wish I had a pair of goggles." You know the times I'm talking about: when the weather is angling to tag you in the eyes, the rain and sleet are whirling into your face and you are forced to squint and blunder around, forever in danger of running into low obstacles, passing moose, or off of nearby cliffs. Your last thought, before dying a gruesome death on the rocks below, is always, "I really wish I had a pair of goggles. I would have been all right if I did."

This problem occurs most often in the evening. It can be argued that sunglasses serve the same eye-protecting function as a good pair of goggles might. And this is true, in the sunshine. But come night, and the horrors of whistling wind whooshing white whorling snow into your gawp rise up to howl, sunglasses only compound the problem. Perhaps you can open your eyes all the way, but to what end? Now the dark world is further darkened by darkly darkened dark glasses. At which times above chain of low obstacles, moose, and nearby cliffs is no less a danger than if they were hunting you. (For further meditations on the social problem of moose hunters see elsewhere.)

No, fair night-time excursors. We are all, in this age, ill-equipped to face with fortuity all frowsy frights, frolicking freely from first flight of day till the end of night. It may seem from this speech that my advocacy is with a retreating spirit. This is not true, nor close to true. I believe that this societal epidemic--this gross shortage of necessary accoutrement--can be repaired. We must band together, fair excursors. Call your senators. Mail letters to the school board. Begin petitions. Complain loudly and often that you do not have goggles, that you need goggles, and that you will not stop whining until you have goggles! Together we can accomplish great things. Let your voice/grasp of language communicated via writing be heard/read. We can make a difference.

Goggles are the tool we need to survive.