Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Confidence

I have never had a truly original thought in my life that I know of. As far as I can tell, everthing I've ever said or written down has been a channeling of things I percieve--in fiction and reality--, or a rearranging of the same into different patterns or containers, or a "same old tale" with a revamp or a different perspective or a different emphasis, or a bunching together or refining or filtering of old ideas. Partly because of this, and partly for some other reasons, I've never had a qualm about showing my work to other people. Partly because of this, I've embraced and been excited to get people to read what I've written.

Because it really isn't mine. It's bits of the world that my readers have already seen put through the filter that is me and set down in a piece before them. I'm just as thrilled with the view as I'd like them to be, and I'm glad to share my perceptions, and I hope that I can give a taste of my perspective. It's all communication. And so, partly for this reason, my emotion towards what I write sort of transcends confidence, to become something more like...that feeling you get when someone is all in awe because of a house you inherited or something. The house is really cool, and hugely impressive, but you did nothing to make it get that way. All you have to be proud of is realizing someone else might like to look.

Someday, I really hope to made up something really and truly original. It hasn't happened yet, I think...but I'll be wicked pleased when it does.

2 comments:

Debbie said...

True. But your filter is a unique one, to say the least. And it's still you putting those ideas through that filter. In your own way. That's creativity.

I like the analogy, but you have worked so it's more like you took care of the relative near the end and listened to the same stories over and over and had to puree all his food and change the bedding and maybe read Moby Dick aloud even though you hate Moby Dick but the relative loves it so you do it.

Like that.

Whittaker Luckless said...

Whoa.... I hadn't thought of that.